Hey all you bandwagon Red Sox fans, I know most of you have only been fans for the past 2-5 years but why not celebrate your fickleness and the fact that you ABANDONED your home town team by buying yourself one of these Boston Red Sox Watermelon Scratch-n-Sniff Cap’s! It’s pink, it’s adjustable and it’ll give you something to change the subject with when people try and talk baseball with you!

Given all of the recent public turmoil of the once feared “Big Papi” it came as a relief to Red Sox nation, myself included, to see David Ortiz casually waddle around the bases instead of putter back to the dugout after yet another pop up or strike out. Before the game Ortiz said his dad, who flew in before the game, gave him the advice that “It’s not going to get worse than this.” I am just hoping that Alex Rodriguez’s cousin was no where near that flight or Papi’s dad in 48 hours leading to his Beantown arrival. Too many anti-Boston fans have been murmuring Ortiz’s name with the dreaded acronym (PEDs) since the blood tests of the traveling circus show that is Manny Ramirez revealed testosterone levels that would make Chuck Norris jealous. But that is something that is a topic that I will avoid for now.

The questions had evolved like this. “What’s wrong with David Ortiz?” Then, “why hasn’t he hit a homerun yet?” Soon, “is Papi Done?”

After yesterday’s deflating 0-7, when is it time to give up hope on David Ortiz?

“I look after you. I do a lot for you. If you do not help me now, I say fuck you Jobu, I’ll do it myself.” - Pedro Cerrano

I love Jarrod Saltalamacchia.
I want him on the Red Sox.
I want him on the Red Sox in part because he is better than Jason Varitek.
But in part because most Red Sox jerseys don’t show the players’ last name…
Thus avoiding this fiasco: